I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't notice because vodka
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
