Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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