The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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