lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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