is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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