u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
