remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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