I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
