i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
