he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
