i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
