Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
