I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
