did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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