He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
