Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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