im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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