its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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