May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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