He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
