I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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