ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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