No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
