That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
