this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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