Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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