Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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