Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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