"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
