i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
