So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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