Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry about my life...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
