shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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