it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
