I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
