Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
