I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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