It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
