I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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