why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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