PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
