I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
