I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
