Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
