I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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