That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Shame - the story of my life.
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