I would go down on you faster than GM stock
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
