they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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