I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
