No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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