He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
