Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
